The Body Never Lies

At birth, we all do within a particular culture that we must build if we are to survive. Every culture is a world of shared meanings whose main vehicle is the language. As the language that characterizes the man as a species, it is logical that became his main "instrument? transit to the "reality?.

This "psychic organizer? allows us to objectify the experience. Experiences that enable us to be repetitive anticipate situations and therefore better suited to live in a world in flux.

When we communicate with someone and this is basic psychotherapy, we use three types of channels or routes:

1 .- Digital communication is based on the word is used when listening and enunciate a word for something, where the word is an arbitrary sign and fruit of semantic agreement (for example, we have all agreed on that a particular device is a TV or radio).

2 .- paraverbal Communication is everything "with? to what is said, laughing, crying, intensity, timbre and tone of voice.

3 .- The Nonverbal communication is represented by the body language. Corresponds to "all that is done but not said? (Gestures, facial expression, posture, gaze or eye contact)

All these channels, do not use them in the same proportion. Multiple scientific studies on human communication, have coincided with small differences in the impact and effect of a given communication depends on a 55% body language (basically the eyes), 38% of communication paraverbal (mainly the tone voice) and only 7% of the word.

In short, when we communicate, only 7% of that communication depends on what we say (the words) and 93% depends on how we say it (looks and tones of voice).

Many scientists believe that the evolutionary split between us and our closest primate relatives (gorillas, orangutans and chimpanzees), dating back 5 million years (even among our own genes and there is a difference of less than 2%).

Behavior models for integrated planning and development of tools were developed for at least 2.5 million years, while the "advanced language? and standards needed for social organization dating back as "alone? 30,000 or 40,000 years. As seen in these data is that we separated 5 million years of our "cousins? chimpanzees and only know about 40.00 years for what I would trust more, of verbal or nonverbal?

As is obvious, communication and non verbal paraverbal is the oldest in the time since has accompanied us in our evolution as a species. Until we develop an area of ​​the brain in the left hemisphere known as Broca's area and achieve the upright position (standing) that allowed the proper placement of the vocal cords could not begin to develop verbal communication.

That 93% "non-verbally? we share with animals. So, with these data, we can understand very well that person tells us that his dog "understands so well that you just have to talk?. This is literally true, because your dog and he shared 93% of the channels of communication.

Anyone can see, that unless you know Chinese is impossible to get along with one by phone (on the channel, there is only the word with only 7%). However, if we have it in front and want to eat, enough for us to take her hand to her mouth with rhythmic gestures, so that we understand immediately. In this case we have implemented the power of the non-verbal (93%) with the universal sign for "I have hunger?.

Another example of communication we have in approaching a newborn baby, so no possibility of understanding with the word (without verbal codes). If we start with all kinds of insulting invective, but with a sweet tone, slow and tender, we will not protest and may even entertain us with a smile. If we now begin to say things and tender loving voice rising with abrupt gestures, we see that the result will be catastrophic.

What happened? Well, obviously the baby grasps what is already responding to the "music? analog, universal nonverbal affection and tenderness (ie 93%). He can not understand or respond to a "letter? digital unknown (the word with its 7%), because it simply has not been able to acquire the learning of verbal codes.

Regarding the 93% want to mention what happens to "the crazies?, Children and alcoholics, who as the saying goes? Are the ones who tell the truth?. These three groups have in common the "weakening? the word (7%). If the words are structures of meaning, "the crazies?, Are out of the reality of the words, children are not fully incorporated the language and alcoholics are disinhibited and unable to coordinate a coherent language.

A few years ago, I was hired by Iberia, to some courses, which lasted 5 years, crisis intervention procedures with passengers conflicting. The courses were aimed at a group of 900 flight attendants, who as you know are the "bosses? cabin crew. Imagine for a moment, thousands and thousands of passengers who had seen these people throughout their professional experience. I wrote all kinds of anecdotes sending me and real situations that had occurred while on duty.

By the end of this course of brief psychotherapy online, I'll put as a practical example of poor communication, the following situation:

A flight attendant is about to deliver passengers the morning news, when down the hall from a man claiming his attention by saying Miss, Miss, economic news

The crew continued undeterred delivering newspapers, being interrupted from time to time from the bottom with an insistent - Miss ... business press

The situation remains unchanged until the crew, two rows before coming to this man, exclaims looking at the passenger, who was handing a newspaper: it cheaper than this, which will cost you a penny

All passengers who heard it dropped a big laugh and repeatedly requesting the business press put a claim

In principle this is a funny and superficial examination might think that that passenger had no sense of humor. If we look in more detail, see what has been said above that the flight attendant "you forget? 93% of communication. Instead of laughing with the passenger, the passenger laughed.

All this could have been avoided, if at the outset, when the passenger claimed him from the bottom, she had looked for a moment or had made a small gesture with his hand, sending non-verbal communication (93%) "message received? (Think of how much we hate it when in a bar, we asked the waiter for a coffee and this, despite being very close, we will not send any message having seen or heard).

I have another situation that represents the antithesis of the latter:

LOCATION: Next to the gate was the hostess with a crew mate. When the last passenger came back laden with lumps everywhere. When I was at the height of these two, it occurred to no one else looking at him, calling out: it is hard moving the passenger could not suppress a laugh and he fell all the packages.

In this case it is clear that the hostess laughed the passenger (by binding to the look and tone of voice) and the result was very different from before.

For all seen, we can conclude that given the supremacy of the nonverbal over the verbal, THE BODY NEVER LIES.